MILLENNIALS: Significant Insights Re: Most-Important Generation

Millennials are very important, don’t you agree? Would you say they are the most important generation? It’s certainly arguable. Baby-boomers are closer to being dead than they are to being born, so… who cares, right? And while Gen-Xers gave us Mazzy Star, Reality Bites, and the Chicago Bulls, we Millennials have fully appropriated those things — and Doc Martens — as our own, and, you know… finders, keepers, etc.

Thusly, Millennials now reign supreme. And so many really smart people are studying us and our ways. And they are doing it, first and foremost, because we are interesting and important. They are also doing it because these many smart people are employed by very wealthy companies that seek to sell us things. And lately these very smart people — using money from very wealthy companies — have been revealing significant insights re: our very important generation. For example, as reported by The Wall Street Journal and lampooned by Stephen Colbert, Millennials enjoy snacks, pets, and movie-watching. Earth-shattering stuff!

Another insightful discovery, as reported by local urban-construction-fetish blog Modern Cities, comes from a survey by American Express which revealed “nearly all (97 percent) of the nation’s largest and most diverse generation appreciate the value of historic preservation.”

Historic Preservation?! That’s lit! Shall we read more from Mod Cit (as the kids call it)? Duh!

More than half (58 percent) [of Millennials] would head to a happy hour in a historic building… and half of millennials would like, follow or share historic places on social media (53 percent) or cast their vote online to choose a historic site to receive funding (59 percent).

Very neat stuff, Mod Cit!

Not to be outdone, The Squealer has conducted its own survey, asking essential questions of this most-important Gen. Here’s what we found:

-22 percent of Millennials interviewed had heard Glenn Frey’s, “The Heat is On,” while 26 percent had heard Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry.”

-Only 7 Percent would admit to vaping, but among those who did, 55 percent had tried some incarnation of grape-flavored oil

-13 percent had willingly participated in a public performance of a Dadaist poem

-26 percent had been to a museum and found it felt more chilly than expected, and among that group 85 percent had neglected to bring a sweater

-13 percent considered themselves Soundcloud rappers

-More than half (53 percent) knew a barista who referred to Espresso as “‘Spro”

You’re welcome, Corporate America!

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