SPORT: Kaepernick, Bring your touchdown scoring, kneeling to Jax!

When will we finally dispel the myth of Shahid Khan’s Midas Touch in Jacksonville? While he may know bumpers and Illinois and have many billions of dollars, since Khan’s purchase of the Jacksonville Jaguars in 2011, his prescience and business acumen have not served his NE FL ventures well.

A quick recap:

-The $3 million Laura Street Trio renovation project he financed failed to produce inked deals with prospective tenants.

-He gave millions to the One Spark Festival, which had a very messy, very public unraveling a few years later.

-He also gave money to the One Spark-related tech-incubator Kyn, before pulling the plug.

-He used his wealth to wage litigious warfare upon a Murray Hill small business owner.

The city of Jax, meanwhile has shown unshakable confidence in Khan, handing over dozens of millions in public dollars to build things in and around the football stadium, including $43 mil for very large video screens and two pee-pee pools, and another $45 mil for a stadium-adjacent indoor practice facility (because why would you need to practice in the rain?) and an amphitheater (because where else would The Goo Goo Dolls play?). And now the city is negotiating with Khan’s Iguana Investments to determine how much of the $500 million Shipyards development bill taxpayers shall be required to foot.

And yet, in a truly The Producers –esque scenario, Khan seems to have realized he can make more money on a flop than a hit, as the Jaguar’s value has increased by an estimated 153 percent since Khan’s 2011 purchase, all the while offering fans a dismal on-field product.

And how ’bout them Jaguars? Have you been watching? Can you even? 17 wins and 63 losses since 2012. SAD. Very SAD!

Have you watched the last three years as first round draft pick QB Blake Bortles struggled mightily to distribute the football to Jaguar WRs and TEs and RBs? Have you had to look away often as he threw it to the other team’s LBs and DBs and even DEs? Did you see the other teams’ players take QB Blake Bortles’s misappropriated passes and run them into the Jaguar’s end zone for touchdown scores?

And have you not heard of QB Bortles’s latest struggles? How he has taken to throwing it to the wrong players during practice? Did you see him just last night, in a preseason exhibition, under-throwing and overshooting his WRs and TEs and RBs? Did you see him not scoring the touchdowns?

While it might be part of Khan’s plan to employ a very bad quarterback who doesn’t do the touchdown scoring, that is certainly not a plan that fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars would embrace. We want completed passes. We want touchdown scoring! We want W’s!

All is not lost, however, for there is a quarterback available who can give us these things: Colin Kaepernick.

Have you heard of him? He was not long ago the QB for the Superbowl-competing San Francisco 49ers. He scored many touchdowns by throwing the ball to open WRs and TEs and RBs and also by running with the ball.

Shall we take a moment and allow Kaepernick to dazzle us? LET’S!

Kaepernick is unemployed. Can you believe that? What, with all the touchdown scoring?

Many say he is unemployed because of his kneeling in protest during pre-game performances of the USA’s national anthem.

As a snowflake, I can tell you that I’m offended by lots of things and sometimes even offended on behalf of others. However, Kaepernick’s kneeling in protest does not offend me. I’ve heard people say that the kneeling might be offensive to military veterans, which is confusing because Kaepernick did not say he was kneeling in protest of veterans of the USA’s military. And then there are the many military veterans who say they are not offended by Kaepernick’s kneeling.

So I think it’d be just fine if Kaepernick brought his touchdown scoring and his kneeling to Jacksonville. For one, we need touchdowns. But there are also many not great things in Jacksonville worth kneeling about. He could kneel in protest of our city’s rampant income inequality, its police-involved shootings, the proposed St. Johns River dredging. Kaepernick could kneel in solidarity with our new hero, City Council Prez Brosche as she removes the statues and remains unshaken by racist emails written in all caps sent by our city’s deplorables. Brosche leading the City Council and battling racists, Kaepernick leading the Jags and battling the teams with racist mascots! Could you imagine a more dynamic duo!?

Even if you are offended by the kneeling, Kaepernick will score the touchdowns! Passing, running, he will bring the W’s to our Jacksonville Jaguars! And with the W’s we will have our quid pro quo with Shahid Khan, who has taken our city’s money and used it on pee-pee pools and Goo Goo Dolls. If you get to have your shipyards, Mr. Khan, please let us have Kaepernick and his kneeling and his touchdown scoring!

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